My precious baby girl has deemed herself a perfectionist. And in many ways, that is exactly what she is. Oh, but I have stumbled upon a frightening and disturbing truth. A lot of her "perfection" is really just fear of failing. I know that a bit of fear of failing is healthy. It keeps you honest and hard-working. My child doesn't have a bit. She has a ton. How do I fix this? Can I fix this? Is this just a personality trait that she will have to overcome? I don't know these answers. I really, really, really wish I did.
She has cried everyday that she has practiced piano for at least 2 weeks. You know why she cries? Because she messes up. If you ask her how many times I have yelled at her for messing up or threatened to punish her when she made a mistake while playing, she will tell you none. Never. Not once. So why is she crying? Because she is so afraid that she won't get it right that she absolutely loses it. Honestly, she is paralyzed by it. I have tried explaining that perfectionists don't quit when they mess up as they would never reach perfection if they did. I have tried telling her that even if it isn't perfect, it IS okay. I have tried to tell her that I want her to enjoy the things she does, not be so caught up in whether or not it is perfect that she can't have fun. These mini-sermons fall on deaf ears.
I love her. I love that she wants to do things well. I hate that she is so frustrated and afraid things are not going to go just so that she can't just enjoy life. Isn't she too young for this? Oh, and here is the question I desperately want to avoid: where did this come from?
So if you notice me looking kind of ragged and worn out, it might be because I have been coaxing my 8-year-old off the ledge or "perfection" or as I am now going to call it, "I am afraid to fail so I am not going to try." I am hoping this is a phase. And that even if it is a personality thing, she will mature to a point that she can overcome it. Please let one of those be true, please, please, please.
2 comments:
She sounds like a precious girl! Maybe it is a little of both (a phase and her personality). I bet she will grow out of it some. You are doing and awesome job with her. I can tell!
i wish i had an answer, hopefully she will grow out of it. i am having my own struggles with jacob. as a parent you want them to be a certain way, but as they grow, they have their own personality. who woulda thought? :) sounds like you are a great supportive mom and doing all the right things!
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