Chernobyl Ain't Got Nothing On Me

Can I just say that I feel like I have kept myself together pretty well in the last almost 6 weeks? Can I also say that in the last two days I have felt myself melting away into that uncontrollable weepy, grumpy, and irrationally upset person that all of us girls can definitely relate to (and the guys, too, if they would admit it). There really hasn't been any one trigger for my tailspin. I have just felt it coming. It gets closer and closer to the surface with every passing hour.

We are getting frustrated in the job search. He has applied for many that he just never heard from and gotten a few rejections from others. I have tried to pray for direction. I have prayed for a quick resolution. I have prayed for the perfect job that God has designed for Nathan. And it is beginning to feel like God isn't listening. I know He is, but this is how I feel.

We had our first History Day competition this week which went very well. And then yesterday afternoon we learned that several of the kids who advanced to the next level of competition will be gone for our district competition, thereby forfeiting any hope of advancing further. This has upset me more than it should have. This is when I knew that rationality was giving way to instability.

My students met me this morning with gripes about their sub the last two day and ears that were apparently incapable of hearing my voice. My irritability grew to ridiculous heights. I just get so tired of repeating myself and answering questions that I have already answered - multiple times. And with my meltdown nearing catastrophic proportions, this got the ugly side going - qucikly.

And then...today my Granny's house sold. You may remember my post from last year about that house. You know that this whole concept was overwhelming for me and now that the deed is done, it is just too much. My cousin, Dylan, took this picture of Granny looking out at her backyard/garden one last time. This pushed me over the edge that I had been dangling from all day. I dare not say that this is the end of the meltdown. I can still feel that "I'm about to lose it" feeling bubbling under the surface. Good Lord, help me and those who might be around when this Chernobyl finally breaks loose.