Not a Good Day

I have had a hard day today. No physical problems. Just 100% psychological garbage that I couldn't get rid of. I could not get the fear of losing this baby out of my head. It started early and just kind of spiraled all day long. I had a completely honest and innocent conversation with a woman this morning. I was the one who brought up our miscarriage and it affecting my excitement with this one. I knew she had suffered a miscarriage early on in her marriage, but I didn't know the details of it. Well, this morning she says, "When I lost our first one at 11 1/2 weeks...." It was a lot like a kick in the gut. You like to think that once you have seen the baby and seen that everything looks good, everything will be great. I am at 10 weeks. I just can't express the overwhelming, gripping fear that has overtaken me. And then if that wasn't bad enough, tonight at church we watched a video where one woman said she miscarried at 10 weeks. At that point you start wondering if God is giving you some warning. He is trying to tell you about what is to come. To prepare you for what is inevitable. I know this is a downer. I sincerely hope and pray that tomorrow my attitude is better and my outlook on life is much brighter. I am actually counting on it.