Forgiveness

 When someone hurts you or the people you love, it is often hard to forgive. I was talking to a friend last night and discussing what exactly does forgiveness look like.  Do you have to like that person or want to be around them if you have forgiven them? Sometimes truly forgiving someone can be inhumanly hard.
   I think that we humans have a tendency to feel like we are entitled to be angry or hold a grudge. We can quickly become offended and "fired up" - often over something that doesn't even pertain to us. But when it is about us - hold on to your hats. Things get super ugly, super fast.  But God often reminds me of the verses in Jonah which state, "Have you any right to be angry?" Oh, I so want to cry out to God and say, "Well, yes! Yes, I do." I want to remind Him (like he doesn't already know) that my people are brokenhearted. I want to draw His attention to the fact that this isn't fair. (In my head right now is my mother's voice, "Who said life was fair?"  It seriously never leaves me.) I want to shout that innocent people are hurting.
   And then this morning, I was trying to justify my wallowing to God.  I was telling Him I thought it might be okay for me to stew just a little while. This particular thing is big. This one stings. So it is okay that I stay angry and unforgiving for a time, right? Y'all, the Lord immediately reminded me that Jesus, from the cross, said, "Forgive them." He didn't stew. His was a BIG thing. His wounds stung. The Father turning His back when Jesus was innocent was excruciating. And he immediately forgave his aggressors.
   I cannot tell you what this forgiveness is going to look like in the end. I just know that I have been convicted to pray everyday for the ability to truly, honestly, and completely forgive.  I know there will be days when I fail. I know there will be days when the anger will rear its ugly head, and I will let it win. Not because I want to (well, right now I kind of want to be mad - let's be honest), but because human emotions are strong and sometimes difficult to overcome. Impossible if I take my eyes off my Christ.